


Kinktober: Guided Masturbation

by moonmoth (greyvvardenfell)



Series: Kinktober 2019 [26]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Cloaca, F/M, Julian Devorak Route - Reversed Ending, Light Dom/sub, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23586844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyvvardenfell/pseuds/moonmoth
Summary: Bird!Julian struggles with his new body and his inability to pleasure Reyja like he used to.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Original Character(s)
Series: Kinktober 2019 [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697680
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Kinktober: Guided Masturbation

We’ve been walking forever and nothing has changed. Whenever I look back, the door to the Hanged Raven is still within sight, standing on the horizon line like an ancient column, much larger than it should be at this distance. But I suppose that’s one of those rules we don’t have to follow anymore in this new merged realm. Things are as far away as they choose to be. And for whatever reason, as a haven or a threat, the Raven won’t let us go.

Julian’s new legs weren’t built for endless walking, though. We take frequent breaks, studying the featureless landscape for anything we might recognize, trying to keep each other’s spirits up, formulating plans both of us know won’t amount to anything in the end. Sometimes we sleep, cuddled together, his wings our only shield against whatever might find us. Nothing ever does. However long we’ve been here, roaming through the desolation, we’ve yet to come across anyone, or anything, else.

We talk a lot. He tells me about all of his adventures -- the true versions this time, not the exaggerated tales he used to act out. I wish I had stories to share in return, but if I ever knew any, they died when I did. Instead I lecture about history, about myth and legend and magic and nature and all the other things I used to read up on when I had no one to talk to. He listens eagerly to every word, asking questions and offering insight I never would’ve considered. When we get through that, he offers to teach me some of the many languages he knows. We start with Neviv, and we’re a fair way into the basics before he brings up something we haven’t broached since I found him… whenever that was.

“Darling?”

The rocks we chose to hunker down beside this time are so smooth they’re unnatural, as though they are props on a stage rather than real stone. Though no sun or moon hangs in the sky, they cast long shadows back the way we came. They’re perfectly flat and terraced, a deep indigo blue that’s strangely soothing in its abnormality. But at least they’re some sort of something, breaking up the monotony.

“Yeah?”

Julian rustles his wings anxiously and scratches at the ground with one taloned foot. He was easy to read when he was human; now he can’t hide anything at all. “I, erm, I wanted to ask you about a rather delicate subject, but I can’t think of a way to bring it up.”

I dangle one leg off the side of the rock, my other knee tucked to my chest. “I mean, that’s as good a start as any. What’s on your mind?”

“Ahhh…” He hesitates, flushing pink, then red, then shaking all his feathers out in an effort to rid himself of the nerves. “It’s about us and our, mm, lack of... physical relations.”

Oh. “Oh.”

He sighs and spreads his clawed fingers with a grimace. “I want so badly to please you, Reyja. I long for it. I remember what you felt like, how you tasted, the sweet scent of you…” Dropping his hands to his lap, Julian peers up at the empty sky, avoiding my gaze. “And the Devil took away every method I had of making love to you. No cock, dangerous fingers, fangs for teeth… I can barely offer you a limb to rut against without being reminded of the monster he turned me into.”

“You’re not a—”

“Oh, my dear, you don’t have to deny it. I can see myself reflected in your beautiful eyes and I know what I am. To drag you along with me, a, a _husk_ of the man you used to love… that’s what a monster would do.”

Clenching my teeth, I hop down from my rock and stand right in Julian’s shadow. He’s so tall now, I barely reach his elbow, but when he roosts we can almost talk face to face. “Damn it, Julian, I did not 'used' to love you. I still do. And I always will, no matter what you look like or which parts you have.”

He shakes his head stubbornly, brow furrowed. “You can’t mean that, Reyja. I'm… I’ll only hurt you in the end.”

“You already tried this bullshit on me, remember?”

“And I was right, wasn’t I?” With effort, he stops himself from reaching for me. “I told you this could only end badly for you. Darli- Reyja, dear Reyja, don’t you see?” His gray skin takes on a pinkish tint as he blushes. “My love wasn’t enough. My… my sacrifice. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant keeping the Devil from harming you, but…” He trails off, eyes roving my face. It takes me a moment to realize that his flush isn’t going away, that his eyelids are falling to half-mast just like they used to when he was human. On either side of me, his birdlike legs flex, downy black feathers barely brushing my hips.

“But I miss you so much, my love,” he breathes, finally giving in to his desire and stretching out a hand to caress my face. His fingers are rough and calloused, more scale than skin, and the points of his claws drag through my hair. But it feels nice.

“Holding you close when we sleep is the most exquisite torment,” Julian continues, slowly tracing the curve of my jawline. “Touching what I can never have, kissing you only when you’re not awake, feeling your warmth but with clothes and these thrice-damned feathers between us? Torturous, darling. Just enough of a nibble to keep the starvation at bay.”

This is a bit more than a ‘delicate subject,’ or however he put it when he brought it up. How am I supposed to stay with him knowing that my very presence is driving him mad? Both of us gave up so much to be together, but if this is an additional price he has to pay for it?

“Juley… I don’t want to do this to you. You’ve been through so much already.” My voice cracks. Who’s the real monster: the lion or the lion-tamer? Julian martyred himself in my name. All his pain, his suffering, his continued agony now that I found him again, is blood on my hands. He’s been through so much because I didn’t stop him. He’s been through so much because of me.

“Maybe it would be better if I left,” I say quietly. Every word is a stab through my heart, but it needs to be said.

“Absolutely not!” Julian shoots up to his full height, almost knocking me to the ground. He beats his wings, stirring up dust, and squawks in distress as he lunges to catch me before I fall.

“Absolutely not,” he repeats more softly, settling back into his resting crouch with his hands around my back. One of his claws snagged in my shirt but he didn’t draw blood. He would’ve been mortified if he had. “I will not hear of that. There are no safe places in this world anymore, but at least I know where you are when you’re with me.”

“I’m not going to be yet another source of misery for you, Julian. I’ve already ruined so many things…”

“Misery?” He cocks his head. “Darling, I have been miserable. This certainly does not qualify. Any moment I spend with you, regardless of where we are or what we’re doing, cannot be miserable. Now, I’ll admit we’ve had better times than this, but my god, Rey. Seeing you walk through the door of the Hanged Raven was the first spot of happiness I felt in, well, who knows how long.” His feathers tickle when he pulls me into a hug. “Just because I miss being able to touch you like I used to doesn’t mean I would give you up. Quite the opposite, in fact: I’m ever more determined to find a way to love you like you deserve to be loved.”

When we break apart, both of us smiling, there’s a patch of wetness on the bottom of my shirt. Perplexed, I run a finger through it. It’s slick, clear, viscous, almost like…

“Juley?”

“Yes, lo— oh! Oh. Oh, god. I’m sorry, so, so sorry!”

His cheeks are so red they don’t even look gray anymore. I didn’t realize I was roughly level with his crotch at this height, and all this talk of what he wants to do with me had a definite effect on him. He may think he’s a monster, but this is all too familiar to me; his new anatomy seems to behave like mine, if this secretion is anything to go by. I could get him off myself, but it’s important for him to know his own body, especially if he’s still uncomfortable in it. I can still help him out, though. Maybe that’ll help us both feel more human, and more connected to each other too.

I hood my eyes and sidle closer to him, reaching for his hands to mesh his long, claw-tipped fingers with mine. “You don’t have to apologize, lovely. Actually, it kind of gives me an idea.”

The crest of feathers on top of his head rises, revealing bars of deep red on their lower halves. I didn’t know he had those. “Oho? What sort of idea?” he asks.

“Why don’t you come over to the rock so I can sit behind you and you’ll find out?”

He complies eagerly, arranging himself at the base of the flat stone I was sitting on earlier as I climb up it again and rest my knees over his shoulders.

“You’re good? Wings not pinched or anything?”

“Right as rain. I must say I like where this is going so far.”

I run a hand through his feathers and he shudders, cooing under his breath. He certainly does seem to be having fun already. “Which hand did you use more?”

“Sorry?”

“When you jerked off.”

His muscles clench under my thighs and he chokes on a noise I can’t identify. “Oh! Oh, I see. Erm, I didn’t, ah, I didn’t have a preference, I don’t think. Ambidextrous all 'round.”

“Hmm.” I buy some time stroking the barbels on the back of his neck, aligning and realigning them until he’s nearly purring with satisfaction. “Let me see your left hand, then,” I tell him. “That’ll be easier for me.”

Without hesitation, he raises his arm and flops it over the top of his head, offering me his hand. His talons are curved and vicious, made for grabbing, but I can work with them. After all, this world is at least partially a magical realm, and magical realms respond to intention. With any luck, I’ll be able to summon what I need. I close my eyes and focus hard on the objects I want: a large metal rasp, designed for planing wood, and a pair of curved herb shears. Seconds later, the sound of my deliveries clattering to the stone beside me startles Julian, making him wrench his fingers from my grasp.

“What was that?”

“It’s okay, Juley. I just asked the realm for some tools to help me file down your claws.”

“You…? But I thought you lost your magic.”

“I did. But the world didn’t.”

He blinks at me. “How many are you going to trim?”

“I suppose that depends. How many do you want trimmed?”

Turning his hands over and staring at them, he frowns and lets out his breath through his nose. “Keep as many as you can. Protecting you is my first priority.”

“Alright.”

I’ll just file down two, then, middle and ring finger. Fortunately or unfortunately, I only have my own experience to go with, and those are the two I tend to favor. I don’t know how long these objects I summoned will last in this ever-changing environment, so I have to act fast. But clipping and tending to Julian’s talons isn’t that much different than doing my own nails, and I have them neatly cut and smoothed down in next to no time.

“Marvelous!” he says when he sees my work. “Do you think we could’ve done this all along, love?”

“I don’t know. I hope it’ll be enough.”

“Enough for…?”

“You.”

I set the tools aside and pull him back against the rock with my legs, crossing my ankles over his chest. He grunts when he hits the stone and looks up at me with pure desire in his eyes, his face flushed once again, the small, soft feathers between his legs soaked with slick.

“Oh, darling…” he croons, thrusting into the air. He plants his feet in the dusty ground and digs in with his clawed toes, anchoring himself wide open. “Tell me what to do.”

“Move your hand down your whole body. Take your time. Enjoy it.”

I watch him obey, trailing his fingers from collarbone to stomach, lingering over the faded remnants of his nipples. He pauses to toy with the feathers on his sternum and trace the bottom of his ribcage with the point of a single talon. He looks to me for confirmation before plunging into the thick, dark mass of feathers below his waist, searching for the swollen ring of flesh hidden amongst them.

He convulses when he finds it. With barely a sweep of a wandering fingertip, he nearly swallows his tongue. I chuckle as I tighten my calves around him, holding him down. “Very good, Juley. Now, don’t touch it, just go around the edge. One finger.”

Whimpering, he nods and does what I say. I can see his wrist circling, slowly at first then speeding up as he gets more comfortable with the motion and the pleasure starts to build. His toes flex into the dirt, making the tendons in his feet stand out. He looks so pretty like this, working himself for me.

“You can add your other finger whenever you want to, lovely.”

Almost immediately, he does, gasping at the added pressure. I let him keep going for a few more seconds before I lean over him and stroke the tiny feathers on his cheek.

“You’re doing so well. How does it feel?”

“A-amazing! Oh, it’s been so lo-ong…” He chokes on the last word, his steady rhythm stuttering. His eyes roll back in his head and when he can hold my gaze again, he’s close to tears. “Please, more! More!”

“Okay. Put both fingers over the opening but don’t do anything else yet.”

Julian strains, whining and writhing at his own touch, but falls back limply without disobeying.

“Rocking your hand without moving your fingers feels good, or, if you’re feeling brave, you can try penetrating now.”

A moan that builds into a cry from the bottom of his lungs fills the still air around us as he frantically rubs himself, chasing the pleasure. His legs tremble, his breath comes in heaving gasps, and I’m glad his head is cushioned by my thighs or else he’d be slamming it against the rock. He might not even notice the pain in his ecstasy. I’m not sure if he can hear me anymore, but I give him permission to do whatever he needs to in order to orgasm before I start rubbing his shoulders, paying special attention to the new joint where his wings meet his back.

His cacophony of trills and groans and yells and grunts comes to a head within minutes, his hand moving fast between his legs as he leaks spurt after spurt of opaque liquid from his hole. It seems he can still cum after all, though there’s much more of it than there used to be and it’s much thinner. He gives himself a few more moments of attention after he’s done but quickly loses interest, letting his hand flop onto the ground beside him.

I scratch lightly from his forehead down the lay of his feathers to his neck, waiting for him to recover. Soon, he stirs, stretching his toes and arching his spine, and peers up at me with a dopey grin on his face. I haven’t seen him smile like that since the world made sense.

“Is that what you felt, every time I made love to you?” he asks, resting his palms on my knees. “When I touched you, that’s what I was doing?”

“I mean, I can’t say for sure, but I think it’s probably pretty similar. You looked like I imagine I look, just without the mess at the end.”

He glances down at the puddle of cum already sinking into the ground. He’s silent for a long time, long enough for all of it to disappear, and for the magical file and shears I summoned to blink out of existence, and for echoes of his own cries to come back and swirl around us until they, too, vanish. When he speaks again, his voice is strong with conviction.

“I love you, Reyja. I love you so much, even this new body can’t contain it all. I think, perhaps, I’ve spent too long saying that I love you in spite of myself. That I’m not good enough to love someone like you. Please—” He holds up his hand when I try to interject. “Please, I need to say this, darling. I watched myself change into this, this… thing, and I thought that if you ever saw me again, you would be disgusted, horrified, if you even recognized or remembered me at all. If I saw you first, I thought it would be best to hide from you, spare you the knowledge of what your Julian had become. But even then, I loved you. It was because I loved you that I wanted to keep you safe from, well, from me.”

He smiles softly and twists around, rising to his feet and cupping my cheek in one clawed hand. “But it didn’t work out that way, did it? Best laid plans, eh? And that was far from my best plan. I… I was doing you a horrible disservice, my dear, thinking you incapable of choosing for yourself what you might want for your future. I apologize from the deepest reaches of my heart for that, and for every other choice I made for you. That’s, ah, that’s not the kind of man I want to be. No, that’s not the kind of man I _am_.”

I haven’t kissed him since I first walked into the Hanged Raven. It’s time to break that dry spell. I tug him forward and bring his mouth to mine, slipping my tongue between his lips to feel the points of his sharp teeth. They’re not so bad. I’m sure we could make something work.

“You are and always will be my Julian,” I murmur, our noses pressed together, breathing the same breath. “A brave man. A smart man. The man I love more than anyone else in any world, anywhere. I would do anything to be with you, lovely, no matter what.”

He mantles his wings and wraps them around us, laughing when a stray feather falls into my hair. He picks it out and offers it to me, his eyes gleaming when I reach for it. Just when I’m about to pluck it from his grasp, he pulls away, grinning.

“There’s poison in these pinions, my darling Reyja. Do you still want them?” He twirls the feather in his nimble fingers, stroking the sensitive skin under my eyes with the very tip.

“Of course. I like a little danger.”

He laughs again and tucks the feather behind my ear. “I should’ve known back then that you were the person I’d been waiting for all my life,” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine. “I suppose I did, in a way. Believe it or not, I don’t bring everyone home on the first date.”

I hum and twine my arms around his neck. “What kind of succubus does that make me, then?”

“Oh, my darling, there was no need to seduce me. I was thoroughly smitten already. And besides, if I’m no monster, you certainly can’t be.” He moves just enough to look into my eyes. “Choice goes both ways, love. Everything I’ve done, I did of my own volition.”

As he cuddles back into my chest, I frown. How could he know…? Ah. The Devil. Privy to all, subject to none, willing to use anything and everything as ammunition. Of course he wouldn’t hesitate to torture Julian with the idea that I was making his pain into a weapon to wield against myself. Damn him. But Julian does have a point; I can’t be that big of a hypocrite. I won’t be. If he can let it go, so can I.

We stay by the indigo rocks for a while, several inconsistent cycles of the seven new suns and the stationary moon, the stars buzzing overhead like flies as the darkness behind them rolls and twists. Slowly, we reacquaint ourselves with each other. We tell new stories, of our past exploits: fucking for the first time in the Tower’s realm, how great it felt when he ate me out in Nadia’s private baths, Julian cumming in his pants as we kissed in the library right after we found the key to the dungeon…

By the time we leave, the door to the Hanged Raven is gone, the horizon open and untethered.


End file.
